Showing posts with label survivor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label survivor. Show all posts

Monday, April 5, 2010

Coming Soon: Finding Peace




Set to pick up where "Don’t Call Me A Victim”, left off, Finding Peace; One Man's Journey is my path to peace, coming to terms with my past and moving on. I have never thought of myself as a crusader and perhaps I am a passive one at best but continuing to address sexual abuse issues within the church and helping others find the same peace I have come to know is and always will be a goal of mine.

Writing has been a journey of healing for me.

Tentative Release Date: October 2010

Don't Call Me a Victim by Gary Bergeron


Don't Call Me a Victim is written by Gary Bergeron and published by Arc Angel Publishing. It is a book about faith, hope and sexual abuse in the catholic church.


From his childhood years as a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of one of Boston's most notorious priest's Rev. Joseph Birmingham, to his emergence as a leading spokesperson, this book details Bergeron's private meetings with church officials and his inside knowledge of the largest lawsuit ever filed against the Catholic Church. This first hand account of an insiders road from victim to survivor is truly inspiring. Don't Call Me A Victim, Faith, Hope & Sexual Abuse in the Catholic Church, allows its readers to walk in his shoes.

To purchase a copy of the book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0975899341/ref=dp_olp_new?ie=UTF8&qid=1270494504&sr=8-1&condition=new

Amazon reader comments:

By Fr. Patrick McCafferty "Fr Paddy McCafferty" (Belfast, Ireland)

This review is from: Don't Call Me a Victim (Hardcover)
"Don't Call Me A Victim: Faith, Hope & Sexual Abuse In The Catholic Church" is a truly remarkable book. It is a profoundly moving testimony. Reading it was a deeply affecting experience.

One can only be full of deep admiration for Gary Bergeron, his brother, his fellow survivors - Olan Horne, Bernie McDaid - and all the others.

I am a Catholic priest from Belfast in the north of Ireland. I also was sexually abused as a child beginning at age four by a child-minder. It marked me deeply as a child - plunging me into a world of fear and terror. I was also trying to grow up in the midst of the terrible violence that was a feature of daily life in Northern Ireland until quite recently.

To compound the trauma I suffered at such a tender age, I was also sexually assaulted on numerous occasions by a priest when I was a young student for the priesthood. This man used force and psychological manipulation to attack me. I felt helpless and that I was to blame - that I would have been the one in trouble - victims of sexual predators will know the deal and how we are made to feel.

All these accumulated experiences had horrific consequences for me. I couldn't sleep without the most awful nightmares. I couldn't eat without being sick almost immediately afterwards. I was self-harming with knives, etc. I suffered panic attacks and so on. I was eventually diagnosed as suffering from PTSD.

A great depth of thanks to Gary Bergeron for this amazing book, for sharing his courageous journey with us. When I was reading it, so many powerful emotions were surfacing - grief and tears, rage against the institutional Church, deep sorrow and distress at all that Gary and so many other innocents had to endure - I could go on.

Thanks to Gary and all the others for taking such a courageous stand against the powerful institution of the Catholic Church - too much of which has betrayed and abandoned Jesus Christ Himself - in the person of the children who suffered so horrendously at the hands of some of the very people - who were supposed to minister in Jesus' Name.

I too think often of the ones who never made it and who died as a result of the consequences - the injuries inflicted upon their hearts, souls, minds, bodies and spirits.

As a priest, I too have taken a very strong public stand on the issue of sexual abuse of children, young people and vulnerable adults by clergy. As Gary Bergeron puts it so well on p.277 of his book: "...you could be on the outside of the Church doors and when they are closed, no one inside hears you. Or you could sit inside, in their home, where they have to look at you, and they can't ignore you".

That what I'm doing - I'm staying in the Church because of Jesus Christ and to do whatever little I can to help heal my fellow human beings who suffered the crime and tragedy of being abused, as well as to heal the Church itself.

I really hope that Gary Bergeron and his friends are now doing well. I wish them much peace and continued healing on their own journey of life. How delightful to hear about the Harley Davidson and I'm sure everyone wishes Gary much joy and safe traveling as he rides around New England with the wind in his face and the sun on his back!

God bless him. His books gives hope. I trust that those who read it - especially those who suffered the horror of sexual abuse when they were children and young people - will be greatly encouraged and strenghthened.

5.0 out of 5 stars Don't Call Me A Victim, October 6, 2004
By Kathleen Sannizzaro (Topsfield, Massachusetts)

This review is from: Don't Call Me a Victim (Hardcover)
I recently read "Don't Call Me A Victim" by Gary Bergeron and I literally could not put it down. Throughout the book I laughed (the author's humor is amazing in light of his situation).. and I cried..and when I was done with the book I told everyone I knew to read it! It is truly a riveting story told with humility and passion....leaving me to believe he truly is not a victim but a survivor and an inspiration.

4.0 out of 5 stars A Real Survivor, January 22, 2005
By Linda K (USA)

This review is from: Don't Call Me a Victim (Hardcover)
This book truly puts a personal face to a global situation. The approach of forgiveness, realistic expectations, accountablility, faith, spirituality and perserverance for what he believes is right was heartwarming. Excellent book. Highly recommended. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews

Friday, April 8, 2005

Trip to the Vatican

New England reflections
He was the pope who traveled the world, reached out to other faiths, inspired the young and the old. He led the Catholic Church during the fall of communism and the clergy sex abuse scandal. Pope John Paul II touched thousands of lives, many of them directly. Here are some New Englanders' stories.
By Joanna Weiss, Globe Staff | April 8, 2005

Andrew Demaio

A gentle touch from someone 'genuinely holy'

His palms were uncalloused, so soft that ''it felt like he was wearing a velvet glove." The cross around his neck was bright, pure gold. The blue eyes were soft and direct.

But mostly, Andrew DeMaio remembers the hand: the way it rested gently on the right side of his head, as Pope John Paul II offered a quiet blessing, for healing.

It was 1998, and DeMaio, then 32, had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. A doctor in Virginia had told him he had a year to live.

The trip to Rome came up by happenstance: A neighbor of DeMaio's sister worked for the Flying Hospital, an airplane outfitted with an operating room, then owned by evangelist Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network. The hospital's patrons were headed to Rome on a fund-raising trip, and invited DeMaio and his sister. Sometime before the pope's public audience that week, someone had sent word to the Vatican that DeMaio could use a blessing.

So DeMaio and his sister gathered, with nearly 1,000 others at a huge auditorium at the Vatican. They marveled at the people who had come from across the world, the electricity that rippled through the room when the pope appeared.

''I don't know if everybody's jaws just dropped like mine did," DeMaio said.

And when, after waiting in a long, long line, he finally reached the holy man, the pope, without a word, pressed his palm on one side of DeMaio's head. The tumor was right there. And that brief blur of a moment, DeMaio says, left him with a lasting thought: This man was ''genuinely holy, something that I have not experienced from meeting any person other than him before."

DeMaio returned to the United States, where his health improved. In 2003 he moved to Boston, where he works as a docent at the Old North Church. The tumor is still there; he receives treatment at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. But he said he feels good.

''I don't discount the power of Jesus and the Holy Spirit," he said. ''I don't discount any of that. I like to believe that the pope had something to do with the fact that I'm still here today. It certainly didn't hurt, going to see Pope John Paul II."

Gary Bergeron

'Incredible man' though paths never converged

He never managed to meet the pope, though he got close. Gary Bergeron spent the better part of a week inside the halls of the Vatican, meeting with administrators, waiting in well-appointed chairs, asking for an audience, and asking again.

It was March 2003, and Bergeron, then 40, wanted Pope John Paul II to understand. Bergeron says he is a survivor of clergy sexual abuse, a victim for years of the Rev. Joseph Birmingham at St. Michael Church in Lowell. Since the scandal had broken, Bergeron had met with accusations and cold responses from the Archdiocese of Boston. The Vatican seemed no different.

But Bergeron knew this pope's life story, the way he had fought communism and sought reconciliation with the Jewish and Orthodox communities. And he believed that if he sat with survivors face to face, if he heard their stories, John Paul II would understand, and would respond.

So Bergeron went to Rome uninvited, along with Bernie McDaid of Salem, another man who says Birmingham abused him, and Bergeron's father, Joseph ''Eddie" Bergeron, who said he had also been abused by a priest. For days, they went to the Vatican and knocked on doors. They went to church officials' homes. The Swiss Guards at the Vatican said they had made bets on how far the trio would progress. The staff at the cafe across the street from their hotel took messages when the hotel phones failed.

The evening before the Bergerons and McDaid were scheduled to return to the United States, the Vatican sent two officials to Bergeron's hotel suite. The group spoke for more than two hours. The next morning, a package arrived at the hotel: a note from the Holy Father, wishing for safe passage, and offering a gift of rosary beads.

It was something, but not enough.

''I would have liked to have given him the opportunity to know who we were and what we were about, and it was an opportunity missed," Gary Bergeron said. ''However, I judge a man by the sum of his life, and not by one deed. I still think of him as a pretty incredible man."

And he has spent the past week reflecting on two paths that -- despite his fiercest efforts -- never converged.

''Many people think the journey that, as a survivor, I've taken has been about vengeance," Bergeron said. ''You know what? This has really been a journey of peace for me, making peace with my past and finding the inner peace that I've never had in my entire life. This man was able to die in peace. My journey continues."

Thaddeus Buczko


He ate lobster at Jimmy's - and gave a lesson

Cardinal Karol Wojtyla had never eaten lobster.

He may have been a scholar, a skier, a poet. But when Wojtyla, then archbishop of Krakow, arrived in Boston in 1969, on one leg of his good-will tour of Polish-American communities, he had a hole in his culinary repertoire -- before Thaddeus Buczko got involved.

At the time, Buczko was state auditor and a friend of Monsignor Stanislaus Sypek, the Polish pastor of St. Adalbert's Church in Hyde Park. Sypek was guiding the cardinal through Boston, and asked Buczko to arrange for a luncheon with local leaders.

It was a fitting choice; like the cardinal, Buczko had managed to maintain a Polish identity in a firmly non-Polish milieu. The American-born son of Polish peasants, he had won a City Council seat in an Irish-Catholic district in Salem, served as state representative and, in 1964, was elected auditor statewide. He knew how to work the system.

But this was a new political problem: where to have lunch with a cardinal?

Buczko asked his administrative assistant, Jane Kelly, who suggested Jimmy's Harborside.

Two weeks later, Wojtyla, in dark cassock, joined politicians and local clergy in an upstairs room at the waterfront restaurant. He had two entree choices: beef or baked stuffed lobster. He chose the lobster. And as he sat beside Buczko, speaking in Polish with English interspersed, he offered a gentle lesson.

Buczko told him that his mother had always referred to lobsters as ''raki." Wojtyla explained that it was the word for crayfish or crab. Lobster, in Polish, was ''homar." From Latin, he said. Quite close to the word in French.

It was a gracious explanation, Buczko recalled -- almost as gracious as the speech Wojtyla gave, thanking Buczko for the gathering and making a cheerful prediction. Someday, he said, the state auditor might become governor, or senator, or even president of the United States.

When Buczko rose for his closing remarks, he had to return the compliment. ''Someday," he announced, ''Cardinal Wojtyla may actually become pope."

At the time, ''it was all in good fun," said Buczko, now 79. Everyone smiled, applauded, and laughed, certain it would never really happen.

Leonard P. Zakim


Papal blessing came with sneeze, knightly honor

Among the things Leonard P. Zakim wanted to experience before he died was a visit, in Vatican City, with Pope John Paul II.

Zakim had spent his tenure as New England director of the Anti-Defamation League working to improve interfaith relations. He and the pontiff shared a desire for reconciliation and cross-cultural understanding.

They also shared the need to be strong in the face of illness.

By November 1999, when the Catholic-Jewish pilgrimage -- which Zakim had helped to organize with his friend, Cardinal Bernard Law -- was scheduled to leave Boston for 10 days in Israel and Rome, Zakim's bone marrow cancer had worsened. He skipped the Israel leg of the trip and met the group in Italy. He wore a neck brace and brought a friend to help with medication. But his spirits were high, recalls Christy Jackowitz, the league's acting director.

And on a bright-hot Monday, he went with the group to St. Peter's Square. They sat beneath an open-air tent as the pope -- who stayed seated, his head bowed -- addressed the teeming crowd in 16 languages.

Then they drew close to receive a papal blessing.

Zakim brought the pope a book, ''And I Still See Their Faces: Images of Polish Jews." The pope laid a hand on Zakim's head and prayed for his health. The pontiff sneezed. Zakim said, ''Gesundheit." Both of them smiled.

Afterward, the group was led to a private room inside the Vatican, where an official described, for them, the highest lay honor the church bestows: the Knight of St. Gregory. In front of the group, Jackowitz said, the official pinned a medal on Zakim's lapel and made him a knight.

''This is a kid from Wayne, New Jersey, who tried to play football," said Zakim's friend, Harold W. Schwartz. ''It's mind-boggling. No one's blowing this up bigger than it was."

Zakim sat behind Schwartz on the plane ride home. ''He was thrilled and proud," Schwartz said. ''He was beaming. But you could see that he was tired."

Zakim died a month later, at 46. His funeral, at Temple Emanuel in Newton, was attended by 1,800 people from various faiths.

The girls of Our Lady of Nazareth Academy


Young singers won't forget his 'peacefulness'

Patricia Tamagini saw the ad in a Catholic magazine, in 1994. It was a contest, seeking high school groups to sing original contemporary Christian music. At the Vatican.

This was a perfect opportunity, thought Tamagini, the director of performing arts and theology at Our Lady of Nazareth Academy in Wakefield. Her daughter Lora, a teacher at the school, had written contemporary Christian songs. The chamber singer choir had recorded a compact disc. Tamagini sent it along with her application.

Patricia Tamagini received an invitation to Rome. And 44 girls from Wakefield started furiously raising money, so they could sing for the pope in St. Peter's Square.

''It was never an option not to go. We had to go," said Jennifer Fontana, a sophomore at the time, now 24. ''I mean, Italy. To see the pope. My God."

They held concerts and bake sales and collected sponsorships. They planned a singing tour at churches in Rome, Florence, Sienna, and Assisi. On the flight to Rome, the crew asked them to sing from their seats.

And on April 16, 1996, they put on their school uniforms -- sweaters, plaid polyester skirts -- and headed to St. Peter's Square. They stood at the foot of the basilica steps, with groups of young singers from Poland, Spain, Austria, and France. The pope, still healthy and vibrant, stood at the top of the stairs, listening to the music. When the singing was over, the girls climbed up to him, and he walked over to thank them.

In English, he praised their voices, recalls Patricia Tamagini, now 66. He thanked Lora Tamagini for her beautiful songs. ''God bless you," she told him. ''No," he said. ''God bless you."

For a teenage girl -- Catholic or not -- he left a firm impression.

''He had amazing presence, just this feeling of kindness," said Laura White, a Congregationalist, now 24.

''He had this fantastic peacefulness about him," Fontana said.

But what struck Patricia Tamagini most was that this elevated man, the leader of his faith, had taken the time to linger with a group of girls.

''He was so gentle and down to earth. Just really down to earth," Tamagini said. ''Holding our hands and talking with us eye to eye."

© Copyright 2006 Globe Newspaper Company.

Friday, August 8, 2003

Boston Archdiocese Offers $55 Million to Settle Lawsuits

Boston archdiocese offers $55 million to settle lawsuits
BOSTON (AP) — The Boston Archdiocese, after more than a year of embarrassing revelations and arduous efforts to deal with them, has offered $55 million to settle more than 500 clergy sex abuse lawsuits, according to a document obtained by The Associated Press.

The offer came Friday, just nine days after Archbishop Sean Patrick O'Malley was installed as head of the fourth-largest diocese in the United States. Lawyers who represent hundreds of alleged victims said it is unlikely the offer will be accepted in its present form, but they called it a hopeful sign that a resolution was near.

"I look at this as the first responsible proposal that has been made to try to resolve these cases," said Roderick MacLeish Jr., who represents more than 200 alleged victims. "It's certainly not going to be the final one, but it's constructive and it's worth having a dialogue about."

The settlement would resolve claims from men and women who said they were abused as children by about 140 clergy within the Boston archdiocese while church hierarchy routinely ignored the misdeeds. A recent report from the state attorney general estimated that more than 1,000 children were abused over six decades.

The Rev. Christopher Coyne, spokesman for the archdiocese, declined to comment on the proposed settlement, saying both sides had agreed to not publicly discuss negotiations.

If approved, it would be by far the largest deal to settle allegations of clergy abuse since the scandal broke in early 2002. In June, the archdiocese of Louisville agreed to pay $25.7 million to 243 people who said they were abused.

Last year, the Boston archdiocese reached a $10 million settlement with 86 victims of a single priest whose offenses helped touch off the scandal. A previous $20 million to $30 million settlement with those victims fell apart when the church said it couldn't afford it.

It was unclear where the archdiocese would get the money to pay the proposed $55 million settlement. Insurance was expected to cover some of it. Insurance covered all of the $10 million deal.

Some critics have called on the church to sell assets to raise funds. Church officials have repeatedly said they will not use money donated by parishioners to settle claims.

Friday's proposal was delivered during the afternoon by two mediators to about 30 lawyers for the plaintiffs meeting at a downtown Boston hotel. Plaintiffs have 30 days to accept the offer; it would go into effect only if at least 95% of the claimants accept it.

Gary Bergeron, one of 54 people who say they were sexually abused by the late Rev. Joseph Birmingham, called the proposal "a very positive sign," but said it was only a starting point.

"I don't think that any survivor of clergy abuse can be fairly compensated with a check," Bergeron said.

Still, he said, "It's the first time since the scandal was uncovered that I've seen a willingness on the part of the archdiocese to work toward a settlement. I think it's a clear indication that O'Malley came here with one agenda in mind, which was to settle these claims and start some closure and healing for the survivors and for the church as well."

Lawyers for victims, while praising O'Malley for making the offer, made it clear that the terms of the agreement would have to change before it would be accepted by victims.

"It's a step in the right direction, but by no means the end of the journey," said attorney Mitchell Garabedian, who represents 140 alleged victims.

Attorney Jeffrey Newman, a law partner with MacLeish, said a committee made up of five plaintiffs' lawyers will review the proposal and respond to the archdiocese. He said all the plaintiffs' lawyers will gather Wednesday to discuss the proposal.

A resolution to the cases has been elusive since the crisis exploded in early 2002. It forced Cardinal Bernard Law to step down as archbishop in December, apologizing as he did so for the church's failure to protect children and punish priests.

The sex abuse scandal had gripped the archdiocese, leading to the release of thousands of pages of personnel files late last year that detailed a range of misdeeds by clergy that went unpunished by church hierarchy driven to keep allegations secret to avoid scandal.

Law's interim successor, Bishop Richard Lennon, consistently said a settlement was a priority. In February, lawyers for the archdiocese and the alleged victims agreed to suspend action on about 400 cases for 90 days in hopes that negotiations would yield a settlement.

But that lull in legal action came and went without an agreement, and it took until O'Malley's installation last week before negotiations bore fruit.

O'Malley's appointment brought new hope — particularly since the 59-year-old Franciscan friar had successfully negotiated a settlement with victims of the Rev. James Porter in Fall River in the early 1990s.

"The whole Catholic community is ashamed and anguished because of the pain and damage inflicted on so many young people and because of our inability or unwillingness to deal with the crime of sexual abuse of minors," O'Malley said in his homily during his installation.

The $10 million settlement reached in September 2002 was to compensate victims of former priest John Geoghan. The crisis was touched off by Law's admission that he reassigned Geoghan despite accusations of sex abuse.

It quickly mushroomed as similar cases were brought to light, and then spread to other dioceses as Catholics demanded greater accountability from their leaders.

At least 325 priests of America's 46,000 priests were removed from duty or resigned in the year following the Geoghan case because of molestation claims.

In the Boston archdiocese alone, an investigation by state Attorney General Thomas Reilly indicated that more than 1,000 children were likely victimized by more than 235 priests and church workers from 1940 to 2000.


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Copyright 2005 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.